and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will be naked everywhere
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
