The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
