No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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