he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
