i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
