apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
