cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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