Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
