Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
