i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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