U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
