Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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