am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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