i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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