I just cut my nipple shaving
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm really busy with my period
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