I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
