Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
