party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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