Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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