I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
