the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
