He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
