i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
