brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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