who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
