I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
this is an emotional support booty call
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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