If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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