The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
