you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
