she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
