Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
