I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
