he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
