WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
