Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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