At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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