I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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