she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
