You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
