I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
