his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Someone came in the potted fern
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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