We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
