Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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