haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
