She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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