My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
