Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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