Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
