hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
