you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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