Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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