you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
